True Fact: The Shapiro Undergraduate Library at the University of Michigan recently closed for a couple of days after 3 Mediterranean recluse spiders were found in a basement storage area there (Detroit Free Press, Feb. 23rd online).
Not surprisingly, college librarians across the country have reacted with embarrassment. “The last thing we need right now is confirmation of a stereotype that librarians are laughably meek,” claims Kate Menifee-Sprengler, Circulation Director at the San Diego State University library. “Our library is only 8.4 miles from the San Diego Zoo, and escaped creatures show up here on a regular basis. We don’t close down the damn building…..we just deal with it.
“For example, last spring an anaconda found its way into the 18th-Century British History section of the stacks and swallowed a sophomore English major. Unfortunate? Of course. But, hey, life goes on. Three days later we installed a sign at the entrance to that section saying “Watch out for anacondas.” There have been no further incidents.
“Want another example? A rabid cheetah took up residence in our 3rd-floor men’s bathroom a couple of months ago. We simply put yellow CRIME-SCENE tape across the door and redirected traffic to a 4th-floor restroom that had been cleared of a murder-hornet infestation the previous year. Problem solved.
“We handle stuff like this all the time, and never shut down because of it. Hell, last week I was bitten on the forearm by an orangutan that had gotten into the staff lunch room, and I didn’t even go to the infirmary. Here, take a look at these incisor marks — they go all the way down to the bone, by the way.
“And what would you have us do about Crawley Crawlerson, the Mathematics professor who was denied tenure in 1998 and has been living in the air-conditioning ductwork above the main Reading Room ever since? Sure, in the evening he occasionally startles a jittery undergrad, but Crawley is basically harmless. Should we hunt him down and throw him out? I don’t think so.”
“Michigan librarians, it’s time for you folks to SUCK….IT….UP and do your job!”