The recent Chronicle of Higher Education headline, “Soaring Athletics Costs Raise Alarms,” has become a familiar refrain on college campuses around the country (Academe Today, May 28th online). Simply put, where are schools going to find the big money to pay athletes in high-profile sports?
Leave it to Texas Governor Greg Abbott to come up with a strategy for finessing this challenge. On September 1, 2026, the state’s maximum-security prison in Livingston, Texas will be renamed Livingston University, with all of its inmates immediately becoming eligible to play Division I football.
At a press conference in Austin on Saturday, Governor Abbott told reporters that “we have some amazing athletes at the Livingston facility, and it won’t take much training to transform them into top-notch football players. Many of them are already buff from working out in the yard, and virtually all of them are highly aggressive and homicidal, traits that are essential for excelling in football in the Lone Star State.
“We won’t be paying our student-athletes anything, because we can offer them a much stronger incentive to perform well: years subtracted from their prison sentence. Every time Livingston University wins a game, each member of the team will have his sentence reduced by 2 years. Hell, by the end of just one season, even a guy riding the bench could have had 20 years or more sliced from the time he has to serve in Livingston. Death-row inmates will have their sentences converted to life in prison after the first victory. And lifers need just one win to be granted a 50-year sentence. From that point on, the sentence goes down by 2 years with every win.
“Every prison in the state will have a transfer portal so inmates at those facilities can switch to Livingston University if they have the motivation and the talent to succeed. Livingston will offer 2 degrees: a Bachelor of Finance in Sports Management and a Bachelor of Science in Garage-Based Firearms Manufacturing and Distribution. Our graduates will be returning to their communities with marketable skills and the discipline to use them.
“Today, I pledge to all Texans: we will have a national champion in Division I football within the next 5 years, and we won’t have to spend a fortune in NIL compensation to do it.”
Livingston University will open its 2026 season with a home game against Rice University on Saturday, September 5th at 1:00 pm. Fans planning to attend the game should allow extra time for getting through Campus Security.