TRUE FACT: Every member of the University of Virginia volleyball staff was fired three weeks ago, with UVA Athletics Director Carla Williams saying that she was “unable to comment on the details.” The team will resume play next season. (The Cavalier Daily, March 18 online).
Now the mystery has deepened.
Yesterday, all of the team’s volleyballs — over 60 in number — received termination notices. This includes volleyballs with game experience, as well as those that had only participated in practice sessions, along with unused balls that had never been taken out of the box.
“This is a real head-scratcher,” observes veteran Las Vegas volleyball oddsmaker Isidore “Izzy” Del Fuego. “It raises the question of what did these volleyballs know, and when did they know it? Are all of them being punished for the actions of a few? Or is this just a case of one volleyball looking like every other volleyball, making it impossible to identify who the real offenders are without a ball coming forward?”
Volleyballs are notorious for their unwillingness to “jump the net” — the sport’s slang for snitching on one’s peers — and it is rumored that UVA police deflated several balls in an attempt to intimidate the others into speaking.
Adding to the intrigue is the discovery this morning of a deceased UVA volleyball with multiple puncture wounds in a wooded area on the outskirts of Charlottesville. It is unclear whether the wounds were self-inflicted, and no note was found in the immediate vicinity.
Del Fuego is confident that the truth will eventually come out in this noir saga. “It always does,” he asserts. “I guarantee you, there is a volleyball out there with a story to tell, and it won’t be pretty.”