Domino Effect

Liberty University, the evangelical Christian institution in Lynchburg, VA, can’t stop making headlines.  At the end of June the school plans to shut down its Philosophy Department.  No joke. 

At first glance, getting rid of a Philosophy Department in a university that stresses the importance of religion might seem a bit strange.  But when Liberty President Jerry Falwell, Jr. explained his reasoning at a May 13th press conference, it all made sense.  His comments:

“I visited the Philosophy Department website the other day and found this sentence: ‘The philosophy degree at Liberty develops the whole person and will prepare you for a lifetime of problem-solving and critical thinking.’  

“My immediate reaction was: Are you f**king kidding me?  Where did they come up with this bulls**t?   If there’s a bullet train to Hell and eternal damnation that’s any faster and more direct than critical thinking, I have yet to see it.  Once you get on board, it’s impossible to get off.  You start questioning EVERYTHING‘Oh Professor, I don’t find the biblical story of Eve being created from Adam’s rib to be compelling.  Did armadillos come from his collarbone?  Did pussy cats come from Eve’s special place?’ 

“Next thing you know, you’ve got hoards of students dressed up like KISS, fornicating in the cafeteria’s dessert line, humping like Satanic hamsters in heat, spread-eagled all over the plastic shields that are supposed to protect the apple crisp and peach cobbler.  Believe me, that’s the last thing we need on our campus right now as we try to enforce social distancing during the pandemic.  I’m sorry, but Philosophy must go.”

Now that’s a compelling argument, no matter what your religious beliefs are.  This round goes to President Falwell.