Students at the University of Virginia have voted to amend the school’s Honor Code. A two-semester leave of absence will replace expulsion as the sanction for committing an offense (The Cavalier Daily, March 4th online).
This action reflects the changing landscape of punishment for honor-code violations at colleges and universities across the country. Here’s a sampling of 10 penalties now being applied at various institutions:
Harvard — Offenders must engage in a 45-minute conversation with a working-class Cambridge resident to explain the concept of high-end distressed jeans. (“You see, if they look damaged you can charge more — a lot more. Why do you still seem confused?”)
Bowdoin College — Convicted students are required to watch the school’s curling team practice four times a week for a semester, with each session lasting three hours.
Valparaiso University — The student’s Netflix subscription is suspended for an entire academic year.
University of Arkansas — Students found guilty are not allowed to partake of possum-flavored chewing tobacco for a full semester. This punishment applies to both males and females.
Georgia Tech — Code violators view a 12-hour video, “He/She/They/Zorf: Evolving Issues in Gender Pronouns” (a panel discussion featuring faculty members from Wellesley, Smith, and Mount Holyoke). Students can choose to jump off the school’s 1300-foot bell tower into a pit of Egyptian cobras rather than watch the video. Most jump.
University of Miami — Offenders are banned from using tanning butter for three weeks. During this period sunburns cannot be treated with aloe or any other soothing product.
Arizona State University — Those pleading guilty must speak with a British accent for two months in all campus locations, including bed. The word “blimey” must be used at least once during every sexual encounter.
University of California at Berkeley — No avocado toast for a full calendar year.
University of Oklahoma — Miscreants are tied, naked, to a satellite dish on the roof of a mobile home during tornado season. Rakes and kitchen knives are scattered in an adjacent yard.
Princeton — Offenders must prepare a comprehensive dictionary that translates the language of New Jersey shoreline residents into English.
You’re still thinking about the pricing of those distressed jeans, aren’t you?