TRUE FACT: A consulting architect recently resigned from the Design Review Committee at the University of California at Santa Barbara after the school announced plans to erect a 1.68-million-square-foot dormitory in which 94% of its single-occupancy rooms would have no windows. According to the Chronicle of Higher Education, the building “would be one of the densest residential-housing units on the planet” (November 12th, p. 8).
An early hint that something might be amiss with the proposed facility was the fact that the architectural firm hired for the project, NanoSpace, also designs poultry enclosures for Perdue Farms, one of the largest chicken-processing companies in North America.
NanoSpace Managing Partner, Van Von Vindervun, acknowledges that this is the firm’s first venture into student housing: “The way we see it, the only real difference between a chicken and a college student is that one has feathers and the other doesn’t. They both happen to be bipeds and hopelessly stupid, and neither is bothered all that much by standing around in its own excrement, especially when drugged.
“All we really have to do is figure out how to give students enough space in their living quarters to hunch over smartphones. That’s not exactly an intimidating architectural challenge.
“And just for the record, exit interviews indicate that OSHA only received five complaints in 2020 from chickens residing in Perdue facilities designed by NanoSpace. We’re proud of that.”
As you should be.