TRUE FACT: At New College in Florida last week, hundreds of library books on LGBTQ studies were tossed in a dumpster and hauled away, just one of the consequences of the school shutting down its gender-studies program (Sarasota Herald-Tribune, August 16th online).
But there’s no need to fret, says New College President Richard Corcoran: “We’re going to replace all of those books with good, old-fashioned, heterosexual pornography. The kind of pornography that my daddy used to read, and that his daddy used to read before him. The sort of hard-core porn that this country needs if it’s going to get back on track, sex-wise.”
The new collection of works will include the classic 11-volume Kitty Litter series (1946-1962), which details the erotic adventures of a randy but naive registered nurse who works the night shift at a maximum-security prison for the criminally insane in Iowa. Readers will also be able to check out a rare, autographed copy of Vladimir Nabokov’s 650-page epic, Throb Johnson: Beverly Hills Plumber, about a burly clogged-sink specialist whose name is on every wealthy housewife’s speed-dial.
“I’m proud to say that these volumes come from the personal libraries of two member of our school’s Board of Regents,” Corcoran notes. “The fact that these gentlemen took the time to make these donations even as they are serving life sentences in a federal penitentiary for sex trafficking tells you a lot about their dedication to our institution.”