As faculty members across the country return to college and university classrooms this week, many are anxious about the challenges they’ll face in managing students who are more prone than ever to take offense at anything their instructors might say or do.
But no one is worried at the University of Missouri.
At Mizzou, traditional teaching assistants have been replaced by lawyers. Indeed, every course at the University of Missouri this fall has a classroom aide who is also a practicing attorney.
“The attorney is there to make sure that instructors never behave in a fashion that would make them legally vulnerable,” notes Mun Choi, Chancellor of the University. “Let’s say a professor announces that the due date for an assignment is December 8th. Well, that happens to be the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, a holy day for Catholics. The attorney could advise the instructor to suggest that students turn in their paper on that day if they’re in the mood, rather than require them to do so. Voila! No lawsuit!
“Another example: during class discussion, a student asserts that Scotland started World War II when it dropped an atomic bomb on Düsseldorf. The professor might be tempted to immediately respond, ‘No, you’re wrong’, exposing the student to humiliation and the risk of trauma. Before that can happen, the attorney is likely to recommend an alternative reply, such as ‘That’s certainly one way to look at it. Good job! With historical stuff, it’s often so hard to know for sure what really happened.’ Trauma averted!”
Choi acknowledges that the University will probably not be able to hire graduates of elite law schools to serve as classroom aides: “Folks from Harvard and Yale tend to view Missouri as a toxic landfill, a place where your Chardonnay comes in a shoebox. But we’re OK with that. We’re looking for lawyers who possess down-to-earth expertise, ones who learned their craft representing people who shoplift Twizzlers and No-Pest Strips from Dollar General.”