And Then Their Eyes Met…..

True Fact:  Southern New Hampshire University recently announced that its incoming Fall 2020 freshmen would pay NO TUITION for their first year at the school.  That’s right — these students will attend SNHU tuition-free for one year.


One imagines SNHU President Paul LeBlanc delivering this bombshell to a bunch of college and university presidents at a TED Talk, then dropping his microphone on the stage as he saunters off, flashing a sly smile that says, “Top that, boys and girls!  At SNHU, we put the ‘dis’ in ‘disruption’.”  

Not so fast, Wonder Boy.

Candida College in Rutland, Vermont has responded with an offer that’s even more daring.  

At a press conference three days ago, Candida President Carson “Sonny” Tarpinsky indicated that not only would the upcoming academic year be tuition-free for its freshmen, it would also be the case that each of these students would be paid $10,000 by the school for attending in 2020-21.  Tarpinsky ended his prepared remarks by inviting President LeBlanc to “bite me.”

The proceedings took an awkward turn, however, when a reporter asked Tarpinsky about the financial implications of this offer for Candida, a school with an endowment of less than $2 million.  The President turned to Candida’s Chief Financial Officer, Len Honus, who silently mouthed the words “HOLY S**T!” and smacked his forehead while gazing at Tarpinsky.

Maintaining his cool, the President told the reporter that he would get back to her soon with an answer to that question.

In a related story, Rutland police are seeking the public’s help in locating Mr. Honus, who has not been seen since the press conference.  The police have identified the Mongo brothers, Jeremy and Jessie, as “persons of interest” in the case.  They were last spotted in the vicinity of Lake Bomoseen, near the town of Castleton, carrying a chainsaw and overstuffed duffel bag.  Anyone encountering the pair should call 911, and refrain from engaging them directly.