A recent Chronicle of Higher Education essay, authored by no less than a Yale Law professor, argues that “colleges can still pursue diversity” (September 15th online).
As insightful as this article is, it fails to mention a number of creative strategies that schools around the country are already taking to enhance the diversity of their student bodies without running afoul of Supreme Court rulings. Here are 10 examples:
Rice University has begun to aggressively recruit male applicants who routinely order salads as an entrée when dining out. “This demographic has been underrepresented at Rice for decades,” says Admissions Director Whit Slawson. “We’re calling it our ‘Kale and Croutons Initiative’, and we’re excited!”
The College of Charleston is courting high school seniors who do not believe in the existence of the letter “W.” “You’d be surprised at how many folks in our state are W deniers,” notes Wendy Hash, Vice President for Enrollment. “We hope they’ll become the ‘special sauce’ that makes our school more distinctive.”
The University of Southern California is focusing its efforts on attracting students who have lost a finger and/or toe to frostbite. According to Gavin LaLouche, Dean of Admissions, “this strategy serves a dual purpose. It generates more applicants from the northern United States and Canada. And it exposes our warm-weather students to people who differ from them in a significant way, expanding their view of the world. Sure, a few of our current undergraduates from the Farm Belt have lost an arm or a leg to a wheat thresher, but frostbite is a whole other deal. This is a win-win!”
At Arizona State University, ambidextrous applicants are receiving special attention. An admissions counselor at the school observes that “research conducted by HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. indicates that ambidexterity is highly correlated with being bisexual. Best proxy ever! We definitely get to check the LBGTQ+ box with this one.”
The University of Central Florida will begin admitting dolphins in the fall of 2026. “Dolphins are super-smart,” says Helene Steakum, Chair of the Marine Biology Department. “Hell, the average dolphin outscores 40% of our current undergrads on the ACT. Five years from now, I expect that dolphins will hold down most of the work-study jobs in UCF’s Academic Assistance Center.”
For the past two years, Harvard Divinity School has been accepting students who claim they once sat next to Jesus on a Greyhound bus. “We want to destigmatize individuals who’ve had first-person encounters with the J-Man,” says Edmund “Skip” Gadbutte, Dean of the Div School. “Our community has learned a lot from them, and not just about theology.”
The University of Chicago is experimenting with a program that targets applicants who have never visited a zoo. According to Senior Enrollment Wrangler Scott Segue, “what we’re looking for here are kids who are fine with putting animals in cages, but who object to the smell of zoos. We need more of these olfactory-gifted students at Chicago.”
At UCLA, they’re recruiting teens who saw “Wicked I” but have no plans to see “Wicked II.” “What’s up with these kids? Whatever it is, we want them here,” reports an admissions counselor who wished to remain anonymous.
Rutgers University is going all out to enroll the offspring of Mexican drug cartel members. “For years we’ve neglected the children of drug kingpins south of the border, while relentlessly pursuing the kids of street-level dealers in Newark and Trenton,” claims Timothy Narfton, Dean of the School of Pharmacy. “It’s time we started welcoming all segments of the drug-trafficking community, not just those in our backyard.”
For the past 10 months, the University of Idaho’s School of Continuing Education has been offering partial scholarships to applicants 50 years and older who insist on wearing a COVID mask while driving alone. “A lot of people make fun of these folks,” says Patrice Pez-Necco, the School’s Dean. “And we’re okay with that. Once they’re here, we make fun of them too. But their presence adds a bit of quirkiness to a campus that desperately needs it. Let’s be honest — overall, our student body is mind-numbingly dull. Most advising sessions end up with the professor nodding off during the conversation. We want to change that.”
Isn’t it time for your campus step up to the diversity plate and take a few swings?