Late Tuesday night, Columbia University was expelled from the Ivy League by a unanimous vote of the seven remaining schools.
Higher education pundits agree that Columbia’s fate was sealed when Harvard President Alan Garber informed President Donald J. Trump in a letter that Trump’s administration “could go f**k itself,” and that Harvard had no intention of complying with any demands it received from the “clown car of scabrous sycophants” that worked for him.
Harvard’s response sharply contrasted with the actions of Columbia, which had collapsed like a puff pastry in a hailstorm when the Trump administration came calling a few weeks earlier.
“There is no way the other Ivy League schools were going to let Columbia stay,” reported one Ivy League insider. “The last time the leaders of those institutions got together, nobody would even talk to Columbia President Claire Shipman. She ended up standing in a corner, sipping on a Diet Coke and chatting with one of the shrimp cocktail servers. No self-respecting Ivy League President would be caught dead conversing with somebody carrying a tray.”
It is expected that Columbia will seek membership in the Mid-American Conference, and that Bowdoin College will be invited to replace Columbia in the Ivy League.