“Shakedown” is just one of the words being used to describe the decision by Northwestern University to pay the Trump administration $75 million to settle a discrimination investigation and restore frozen federal funding to the school.
That characterization gained credibility on Sunday, when a surveillance camera captured Northwestern’s provost placing a duffle bag containing $100,000 in cash into a day locker at Chicago’s Union Station (255 South Central Street). Later that afternoon, Secretary of Education Linda McMahon visited the same locker and retrieved the bag.
As she was leaving the station, McMahon was approached by reporters. She explained that “there is nothing illegal going on here, so don’t get your panties in a bunch. Northwestern owes us $75 million, and this is simply the first installment. Sorry to run, but I’ve got a few more pick-ups to make before heading back to DC to attend Pete Hegseth’s End of Sobriety Celebration at the Kennedy Center tonight. You didn’t hear it from me, but don’t be surprised tomorrow morning if there’s a smoking hole in the map where Venezuela used to be. That boy is on FIRE!”