As ChatGPT and AI storm higher-education classrooms in a fashion similar to Sherman’s troops torching Atlanta in 1864, professors and administrators around the country are frantically seeking a meaningful response. 10 years from now, will term papers and take-home exams be historical curiosities, only to be found in museums? (“Daddy, tell me another story about when you were in college and used to type the thoughts you had in your head on a piece of paper and then give them to a teacher. That was so crazy!”)
But the Resistance is mobilizing. Consider the University of Maryland at College Park, whose President declared last week that “we will never surrender to AI.” Beginning in September 2026, the school will redirect all of its non-sports resources into a single degree program: a Bachelor of Arts in Crab-Picking.
President Darryll J. Pines noted that “Maryland is the one place on earth where you can find the Chesapeake Bay blue crab, the Food of the Gods. And the only way to extract that delectable lump and backfin meat from its shell is by hand. It is the epitome of an artisanal craft that leads to secure, well-paid employment. You learn that craft by watching other people engage in it and then practicing yourself — over….and over….and over. It is a painstaking process of manual trial and error. You can’t ChatGPT your way through it, boys and girls.
“Current students who are majoring in fields other than crab-picking will be given permission to use the NCAA’s transfer portal to finish their degree at another institution in the region. If you decide to stay at the University of Maryland, however, you must switch your major to crab-picking.
“At the University of Maryland, we’re making higher education great again. As for AI, you can kiss my Old-Bay-lovin’ ___.”