You could see this one coming a mile away.
On March 7th, President Donald Trump issued an Executive Order dissolving SOCIOLOGY departments at every public and private college and university in the country.
Addressing reporters on the South Lawn of the White House, the President proclaimed, “everyone knows that sociologists have been corroding institutions of higher education for decades. It’s been bad — so very, very bad. They use radical words like ‘stratification’, ‘poverty’, ‘incarceration’, ‘Ukraine’, ‘African American’, and ‘Brie’ to sow seeds of doubt and discontent in the minds of our young people. So many beautiful minds, damaged beyond repair.
“But not anymore, not on my watch. The lunatic left claims that I don’t have the authority to take this action — that it’s unconstitutional. Well, take a good look, America, because it is going to happen, and it’s going to be terrific.
“We will relocate tenured sociology professors to rural areas, where they will work on family farms and limestone quarries. They will sweat, get dirt under their fingernails, and develop chronic back problems. They will learn what it feels like to engage in real labor.
“Non-tenured professors will be retrained to teach theology courses at evangelical Bible colleges throughout our great nation. Each one will receive a free autographed copy of my God Bless the USA Bible, along with an instructor’s manual and test bank of multiple-choice questions [e.g., The first book of the Bible was named after which famous musical group? A. Miracles; B. Hollies; C. Genesis; D. Yardbirds].
“As you all know, my favorite author is Ernest Hemingway. What a brilliant, brilliant man. He wrote short, straightforward sentences that are easy to understand, and if I were ever going to start reading books, I would definitely pick one of his. In 1961, Mr. Hemingway blew his brains out with a shotgun — a terrible tragedy — because sociology textbooks depressed him so much. If you don’t believe me, you can look it up on page 73 of the God Bless the USA Bible. As President, I refuse to let sociology take the life of another great American.”
The American Sociological Association has responded with a brief statement: “What?”