“If it’s good enough for the NBA, it’s good enough for us!”
Those were the words of Robert J. Jones, Chancellor of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, when he announced that, beginning in the fall of 2018, the University will become the first school in the country to affix a corporate logo to the blazers of all faculty, administration, and staff.
“If the Boston Celtics can put a General Electric patch on its players, we can certainly accept Boeing’s offer to wear its logo,” Jones asserted. “They’re the world’s largest aerospace company, and their headquarters are in Illinois. Given the devastating budget cuts that our school has experienced in recent years due to the actions of the dipsticks in our state legislature, we are desperate for funds. Boeing will not only give us $7.2 million annually for wearing the patch, they’ll pay for the navy blue blazers we’ll be purchasing from Men’s Wearhouse (for the guys) and Talbots (for the ladies). This is a win-win for higher education. Our classrooms will have the sharpest-dressed faculty in the nation, which is sure to enhance student learning.”
When asked by a reporter if he thought it was a bit tacky to transform professional employees at a top-tier public university into walking sandwich boards for a private company, Jones responded, “We’re not talking here about NASCAR clothing, where ads cover every square inch of the driver’s upper body. It’s just one tiny patch, and it’s for Boeing, a world-class outfit, not for Condom World in Peoria.”
EDITOR’S NOTE: Condom World is currently negotiating a logo contract with Illinois Central College, a community college in East Peoria. Agreement has yet to be reached on the size of the image depicted in the logo.